It's probably quite bad, but I made myself cry.  If you know me, you know I write stories.  It's pretty much what I do, I use them to do things I couldn't do, say things I can't say and basically to live a life that I can't have.

I wrote something that got me.  It's the sort of thing that if I don't tell someone about it i'll forget about it, or brush it off in a fit of matchoism.  I made myself cry because I wrote . . .

"Lets go home" she said

Now how pathetic is that 

I'm Lazy, deal with it, but I will give you some things that no-one else got, just because I didn't type all of that again.  My day was basically lazing around and throwing up.  When I got home last night I sat on the toilet and filled the sink with sick.  I need a sink with bigger holes for drainage, the next morning when you get out of bed and have to clean up . . . it's horrible.

Also the daughter of the woman my dad is screwing came over today, and we walked to Blockbuster and I brought Fantastic Four, and Shadow the Headgehog for XboX. So I watched Fantastic Four while she sat on the couch, then she decided she was going to go (there is only so much sexual inuendo a girl can be ignored for before she gets upset and wants to leave) and she hits me with - "So you don't want me to suck your dick then" - which yes would have been nice, but no.
Not only is she practically my Step-Sister, but she also just wants sex. No relationship, no caring or compassion. She just wants to get fucked.
And I want more.
So yay, My Almost Step-Sister tried to seduce me.

Tempur Christmas Party 2005
		So I got there after missing all three of the busses that take me and having to wait around in the cold, but I got there and the food was atrocious. I like food, especially well cooked food. But I could cook better then that. Desaster. On the upseide I spoke to al the recoving alchoholics and Religious fanatics and took there alchoholic vouchers (Raffle Tickst) and get wankered on there free booze. But I also drank the Raffle ticket they gave me for looking after my coat . . . which wasn't good :( It meant I had to steal it back at the end. I drank my coat and then stole it, I am obviously evil :( Anyway, here are the pics.

Because It actually works out to be better then any Journal Entry that I have done for a while, there is a conversation slash arguement I had the other day. (Yesturday in actual fact but it's been a yesr since I done anything so sue me.

Also you'll note at the end she gets that last kick in, and peeps wonder why my teeth are crooked . . .

NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:33 mailwarn			I hate hotsexydate.com!!! These random loser whores are ALWAYS IMing me with links to this crap site! Example: jjc6q6658847 [3:40 PM]: We are Currently Listing 897 Females , and 185 Males in Your Zip Code Looking to Meet Tonight. Take a Quick Look at zpewqdlsjdeHotSexyDate.comtrgasrddsekcjrqk Does anybody else get AIM/AOL messages like this?

	Killnik Nov 29 - 18:36 mailwarn			maybe they know there own?
	loserkid Nov 29 - 18:37 mailwarn			no i can honestly say i have not.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:38 mailwarn			stop replying to my posts killnik, you're "wasting my time".
	Killnik Nov 29 - 18:39 mailwarn			and once again you make me feel a million bucks, minuet ladies and gentlemen, the girl that says I never contact her first, and who always makes me feel like shit. Don't you love her.
	february Nov 29 - 18:41 mailwarn			just block them?
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:43 mailwarn			you contacting me first now is too little, too late. you hung up on me 4 times. you wouldn't talk things out with me. you made me cry in school!
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:44 mailwarn			i can't block them because they have 129302291039023902 different usernames.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 18:45 mailwarn			You made me feel less then worthless you made me feel like nothing i did would be enough you made me feel nothing, convinced i was nothing, surrounded by nothing and you cry like rain falls, it means nothing
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:50 mailwarn			we should've talked things over yesterday. you just didn't wanna work it out. you shouldn't have told me i'm wasting my time. you should've sucked it up and told me how much you care about me, forgetting about your damn pride for one minute. i called you, wanting to see how much you cared. i got my answer.
	squee Nov 29 - 18:52 mailwarn			Why do you do that, Killnik? Why do you deliberately start conflicts like that?
	ElectricBlue Nov 29 - 18:53 mailwarn			No, and probably because I never use chat rooms. When I was an AOL user not only was I extremely dissatisfied with the service but I recieved I/M AND email spam every few minutes. You should create a new screen name or block all unknown incoming messages if it's that large of a problem.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 18:55 mailwarn			and I got my answer when all you were bothered about was words. I'm not about words, I write them, I speak them, but I am not words. I am actions. and yours say your a stuck up little slut princess. What do mine say about me?
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:55 mailwarn			That's the thing, I don't use the chatrooms! And I like this sn, I shouldn't have to get a new one just cuz these hotdate people are lame.
	february Nov 29 - 18:56 mailwarn			You should change your aim name. that never happened to me.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 18:59 mailwarn			your actions yesterday told me you didn't wanna work it out. you could've said "i don't wanna talk to you now, we'll talk later." no, you just hung up like i didn't matter at all.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 19:02 mailwarn			ahhh so your forgetful as well as a princess If you remember my words were . . . "you have hurt me, don't talk to me today" then you tried to ring me again but I ignored it, so in actual fact i only hung up on you 3 times, the fourth time i just didn't answer.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 19:03 mailwarn			i didn't hear you say that.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 19:11 mailwarn			and this from the girl constantly complaining that i dont listen to her. You remember me saying "you made me feel like shit", but you odnt remember me saying "you hurt me" nice should we continue this arguement publically or would you rather take it off the main boards? going to topic, I wouldn't know, I use MSN and you get to see who adds you before you accept messages from them and if you get a dumb name like jjc6q6658847 you just don't accept.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 19:16 mailwarn			what's the matter, don't want your friends to see you have some kinda thing for me? lets just not continue it at all. we're obviously not meant to be together, we're waaaaay to incompatable.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 19:34 mailwarn			ok, we'll do this here. I do have a think for you, but this is the way the relationship goes. Ready? You hurt me because of something I did to you WAY back in the past, probably something simple like I liked Paige rather then you, so you get defencive and say something hurtful, so I work through it and talk to you about it, and you realise that you were being a tad over reactionary and defencive and I forgive you and we go on. But I have been hurt so I say something that could be considered mean, but I consider as a joke/ lighthearted way to get back at you. But your so defencive and convinced the world is out to get you that you instantly slap back with somehting hurtful because your first reaction isn't just to listen and laugh off, or even ignore but to smack someoen in the face with a sledgehammer. So I get hurt, But I talk to you about it, and we work through it and you realise that what I said really was meant in gest and was in no way meant to cause serious harm and you forgive me and i forgive you and we go on, but I'm hurt by you being so defencive and hurting me so I say something that some would consider mean, but that i have said in a lighthearted way to get back at you slighty for hurting me . . . *puts record on repeat* and thus we have the last x amount of months. Sorry if it put a spanner in the works to actually feel hurt enough to make me feel like I am nothing, not just to you but to everyone and everything by only wanting me for the words and to fill whatever void you have decided I am set to fill rather then either of the two guys you were off fucking last week (oh wait you only fucked one, and that is your business who you needlessly fuck for no reason with no idea of love or devotion because you actually love me and that is just sex. Nothing but empty sex) or your best friend you kept dangaling in front of me that you occationally have a sexual relationship with (also just sex) or anyone else for that matter. How I'm always meant to say the right thing and make you feel better, call you all the time and buy cards when i can bearly afford food and am living off shitty 15p noodles from Aldi, but thats my fault of course because I wanted to go out with my friends rather then spend all of my money on calling cards like i used to with Paige. because it always comes back to that, your ALWAYS saying about how i treated someone "else" better then i treat you now. when we both know your talking baout Paige. How you had to live with me talking to you about my problems with her and the issues we had, how you had to listen to the stupid nice things I used to do like send her flowers over a few thousand miles or how I used to get paranoid because I would do dumb things like send HER books and letters through the post where as I wont even write you a letter. But lets face that issue for a moment you have been bitching to me that I dont send you letters when you can't even trust me with YOUR address, you gave me your mates address who lives a block over, and when I did get your address (oddly enough after an arguement just like htis one where you were doing it to say sorry because you realised you were wrong for being defencive) you told me I shouldn't use it for some unknown reason. So you gave me a pointless address (that wasn't even complete, where is the postal code I wonder, and when I ask you all you say is "oh you noticed I didn't put that on there") and expect that to make me feel better, and I have your letter, but do you really think your getting it now? Do you honestly think your getting anything from me now? Not only did you make me do this in public but you chose this. so once again I'm bowing to your wishes and doing exactally what you want. how does it feel to get what you want?
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 19:49 mailwarn			if it is this difficult for us to get along, then i don't want anything from you anymore. burn my letter for all i care. i still don't think it's stupid of me to feel unloved and not important to you when you don't do half the things for me you did for paige. it's like you think i'm only half as good as her. if you worked harder to make me feel otherwise, we'd be able to work things out a lot better... and i wouldn't feel like an idiot for still wanting you all the time. now what do we do? break up or shut up.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 20:09 mailwarn			How about we do this. We do what I've been saying we should do from day one, Build the trust, keep the faith and see how it goes. But you can't even keep your promises to me, you say you'll do something but then . . oh . . . wait . . . that didn't happen. You blew me off again. You wait until (low and behold) an arguement happens before you use it as a "make up" tool. scarily enough it's on my journal how I have been feeling recently and even Brendan and Lilly noticed enough to say something on there. Which REALLY surprised me and actually made me feel better about myself because these two people who I thouroughly pissed off, both of these people hate me for a multitude of reasons, and yet you claim to love me and yet . . . your names not on there wishing me encouragement and happiness but the people who have no reason to like me find the ability within themselves to do that. Why should I expect you to be faithful to me when sex with random people is meaningless, people that don't say two words to me for months find it in there hearts to fogive me long enough to not only read my journal but acknowlege the way I'm feeling at the moment. Why don't you acknowlegde that my life isn't exactly fun right now, I lost a weeks holiday, got suicidal, got the holiday back, had my date for my christmas party (my best real female friend Foxy before you get all high and mighty on me, the most we do is shoot people in the face together) drop me because "she has to work" though I know her boyfriend HATES me hanging out with her, Really wanted to do the tour and visit some of my friends that I have met over the Net and coin cheep ass holidays by calling it Visits But being throughly depressed I left the house to go to the gym till I got dehydrated and felt like my heart was beating on nothing then came home to pass out because i'm living on fuck all, then when i come back to work I find that no-one has done anything and I am left with a weeks worth of work that has to be done yesturday because even though no-one has done anything but talk to people that have made promised they expect me to keep. then to top it off YOU start demanding things from me. Thanks for thinking of me and KEEPING pushing the issue, you would htink that someone would have got the hint after the first time I hung up, but you had to keep pushing, keep trying to get your way, and making me feel even more worthless because you can't even see when i'm upset. so what shoudl we do? Break up or shut up?
	ElectricBlue Nov 29 - 20:12 mailwarn			Pardon my intrusion, and take no offense as I mean not to be offensive but helpful rather, but you two know what private messages are don't you? Maybe you shouldn't be promoting your personal affairs to the top of the main message board for privacy reasons as it is quite possible for someone you don't want to see this or don't think can see this to maintain access to it. Just a tip, and, um, good luck to both of you in solving your problems. Love is good.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 20:15 mailwarn			Thanks blue :) But this is how she wanted it. and if you have noticed she doesn't say anything its only me saying anything and i'll tell anyone anything about my life if they ask the right question. Coz i realy am that needy for love and attention right now ;)
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 20:20 mailwarn			i do feel bad for you and i do hate when you get all suicidal... but what am i really supossed to do for you? every time i make an effort you don't seem to appreciate it, yet again making me feel idiotic. and there's no way in hell i'm commenting on your journal when you haven't even mentioned me properly there OR properly told me your problems on the phone/in an e-mail/in an IM. you seem to like to keep the way you're feeling from me (yet ironically telling me i suck on the phone for not sharing with you enough), which again makes me feel unloved and unimportant. we both make each other feel unloved and unimportant. what the FUCK are we still clinging to each other for? are we really that messed up?
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 20:28 mailwarn			he wanted it this way. he knew that if he kept dropping me comments i'd address what happened yesterday (since we haven't talked privately all day). i'm "predictable" to him and he probably saw this whole argument coming.
	Killnik Nov 29 - 20:33 mailwarn			Sweetie Who is clinging to who? Did I not say before: "Do you honestly think your getting anything from me now?" The basics are this. Your self obsessed, and I am so fucked up right now I'm despirate for someone to ask the right question so I don't have to feel like a total shit for offloading everything onto someone for no reason. You don't ask the right questions, and I don't plump your ego enough. This arguement is the best thing you have done for me for a while because your giving me the opertunity to offload a LOT of shit, blaim 90% of it on you and feel better about myself. Who says I need a psychiatrit!
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 20:38 mailwarn			yes, so you're using me again. do you even really care about me or are you just taking care of yourself?
	Killnik Nov 29 - 20:42 mailwarn			Right now it's all about me. But I have always cared about you, just not always in the way you want me to. Like now.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 20:49 mailwarn			oh, you're still there. did you just like totally block me on msn? and don't you have work tomorrow? how do you care about me then?
	Killnik Nov 29 - 20:55 mailwarn			Did you not get the "not caring about you right now" insinuation from my last comment. and no I didn't block you, you over reactionary, I shut MSN down, because I am going to bed and was just waiting to see what you would reply to my last comment. Nice to see you stuck true to form and asked me how I liked you, always asking and demanding, nice that your so predictable, and before you even go there. No i was not expecting this arguement, I was actually expecting you to not talk to me for a day or so (which low and behold by your own acknowlegement you havn't said anything to me on MSN, but then I guess It's MY place to make the first move after you have upset me) and then have a go at me when you IM me first saying somehting like "you always make me IM you first" I am going to bed, goodnight, thanks for the opertunity to shout a few things out.
	NaughtyMinuet Nov 29 - 21:13 mailwarn			(i guess you'll read this tomorrow then) lol you're such an asshole. you just care about dumping your problems on someone, and that someone's me cuz you think i care and i'm giving you an excuse to. paige used you, so you think it's okay to use me now? i'm not your jessica stein afterall, but you are my paige (this is the part where you smoke up in between your porn takes). i will not be IMing you anymore. You are sooooooo fucked up and bad for me. Go piss on someone else. i WAS wasting my time, and i CAN do better. this relationship isn't over cuz i fucked it up (like you want me to beleive) it's over cuz you're selfish and never loved me enough to make it work. have a merry christmas, hope you don't spend it alone like last year.

Oh and while i am here, why can't people keep there word keep your promises!

if you say your going to do something DO IT or at LEAST say why your not going to, just the truth!  Whats wrong with the truth, why is it to hard to say something that you know to be true but not vocalise?

Whats the point?